so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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