Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize