dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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