That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
