i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
