"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
