Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
