she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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