Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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