i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
