OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
