What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
