She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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