I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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