The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
