So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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