He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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