i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
