so explain again why im purple
no
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
