I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
