a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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