OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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