NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize