At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
