I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
