so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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