Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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