she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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