i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
