Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I look better un-naked...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
