I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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