How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize