And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
