I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
