If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize