I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
this hospital has no fireball
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
