there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The air was thick with penises
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
