the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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