exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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