Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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