Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
