a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I sprained my soul last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
