the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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