good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
