he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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