I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
