East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
