**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
