what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
