STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
