stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
