um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
