At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
