Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
