I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
