the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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