why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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