you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
