Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
