I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
