woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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