"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
