I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
