Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
