we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
