i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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