Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
