tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
BRING THE BAGELS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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