you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
