Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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