i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
